Tasks and Dominants: A Programmatic Take

 This Friday I had my latest meeting on my Seraph Aspirant path at Xaara.   It went well, Master Laz was quite pleased with my progress, and the best part was that Mistress was able to attend.  Her input was valuable and Master Laz was happy to see I have a Dominant that I can work on kinky themes with.

The thing I found interesting was that before the meeting had begun, I had come a little early and asked Master Laz if Mistress could attend.  He said clearly that She was not part of the process unless I were formally collared to Her, but then relented a bit and said She could attend as a guest, but not really be part of the program.  This was fine with me, and when I contacted Mistress, She also accepted the situation as it was.  

After a bit though it was obvious that Master Laz and Sir Ballard were at ease with Her being there, and she contributed ideas and in the end was brought in as an official mentor of sorts to me, with me being expected to work on D/s and kinky themes with Her and report back.  

I understand why Master Laz was direct with me about this at first -- although I do not know details, nor do I really wish to know as it's out of my wheelhouse, I do know that at least one Dominant in this group, and rumor of others over time, have become buttinskis to the Aspirant program, wanting a lot of control over their sub's actions, objecting to things on the syllabus, and expecting that their charge should do X, Y or Z, and often less than what Master Laz, the Mentors and the Aspirant have come up with together.  Master Laz did not want a repeat of what had been done before.

Luckily, Vanni is smart and looks for a smart person who understands the lifestyle and is very open to Her charge doing things that complete her.  Mistress said, sort of paraphrasing, that the Seraph Aspirant programs "is Laz's baby, and she respects how things work."  She was also very impressed with the process as it was and how it was very educationally driven.  So everything is working well, I will work on things with Mistress and apart from Her on the list, and report back to Master Laz and my mentors.

What I am not understanding is why some Dominants have to go off the deep end about their charges and what they are doing.  I trust Master Laz, my Mentors, and Xaara in general to come up with a program that will help me, and other submissives in their programs, grow.  I think an Aspirant's Dominant should have some say in the process in terms of 'is it too much' and how things are to be done of course, but the scuttlebutt that went around is that some Dom/mes have tried to nearly take over the program, demanding changes in terms of activities and deadlines.

This to me smacks of over-control.  D/s and power exchange is about things that are negotiated, not every aspect or minutia about a submissive's life (unless that is the level of negotiation that is desired of course).  But even if that level were expected, a submissive being in such a rigorous thing as the Angel or Aspirant programs may not be right for that particular submissive.  This is about growth, learning and becoming a better submissive through service.  If a Dominant doesn't want a group or institution having some level of control, it would have been better to not allow that sub to enter the program at all.

Now of course, there is also the possibility that one or more submissives over time have gone to their Dominant and cried about things that are expected, and the Dom/me went to bat to get things reduced.  IF that were to be happening, and I am in no way suggesting anything is happening like that to my knowledge, that would be really piss poor action on the part of the sub.  I would never go to Mistress and whine about things I have agreed to do.  "OMG, I have to read so many books and do so many things and this is just ridiculous!"  That's manipulation and really Topping from the Bottom, taking the position of my Dominant to get something I want done.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.

So as I can only speak for myself and my situation, I am very happy that Mistress is involved, that Master Laz and Sir Ballard are happy to have her as a sort of informal but important part of this process, and I am happy to have one more person to report to and make happy.  I want to serve and make my superiors happy, not have Mistress cause waves of anger (not that She would) or alter the process based on my whiny actions (which I would not do).  

This has nothing to do with Master Laz or Xaara, but I really think some people need to think about the commitments they make to a program.  If one has agreed to things and it just turns out to be too much, then saying "it's too much I can't finish" is not the worst thing.  But getting one's Dominant to push through changes to a program agreed upon is wrong on several levels -- wrong to the community, wrong to their mentors, and wrong to their Dominant who they are using. 

In a lifestyle sim, that kind of thinking should be flatly left behind.  It saddens me that a few people don't seem to get that.

-V 8/29/20

Introductory Post

 Welcome to a new kinky blog that I have been directed to begin by Mistress Tann!

As a first, get to know you post, I decided to write a bit on my past and current state of BDSM in both First and Second Lives, what's going on now, and where I hope things will lead in the future.

As far as First Life (being first), most people reading this know that I am a kinkster and very proud of it.   I teach at college, and after being really introduced to the BDSM world more than 15 years ago, I spent part time in it, going to expos and events, and then jumped in nine years ago now, joining a BDSM community and getting all kinky with it.

Sadly, due to the COVID 19 epidemic, all our kinky First Life activities have been curtailed, and I haven't seen my club or community since February.  Luckly, I have SL to have an outlet for these desires.

In SL I have been involved in the BDSM scene since pretty much my start.  I have joined and been part of a great number of scene and lifestyle communities and groups in the now 15 years I've been inworld.  At the current time, I am a member of Xaara, a BDSM, arts and education sim that really fits my needs and desires well.  I am on the path to be a Seraph, with is the highest level of submissive to the sim.  This comes with a high degree of responsibility, and my entire goal for embarking on this path was to put my talents in education to use for the good of Xaara.

Now as to what is new, and the purpose of this new blog -- Mistress Tann.  First some backstory.

I have been involved in a good number of BDSM relationships in SL as both the submissive and the Domme.  I have largely come to the conclusion, which will really be the topic of another blog, that I am not a Dominant person.  I am a Top, I can Top very well in a scene, but I do not have the desire or heart to direct people's lives.  If anything, I have a deep desire to nurture people, so any "Dominant" action I have tried has usually been along those lines.   This has caused some consternation to people I love, and to which I can only say I am sorry.  I am human, I make mistakes.

As a switchy Top person, I have not had a real Dominant for a couple years.  For several years in SL I was owned by Mistress Defie, from whom I learned a great deal about BDSM and especially the First Life scene, as she is a real strong Top and Dominant person.  She also taught me a great deal about how the scene is not really binary, the imagined idea that it's pure "Dominant or Submissive and some odd Switches," but a dynamic flux that can change rather quickly.  While She has largely left SL, I am always grateful for all I learned from Her.

 Mistress Tann and I have known each other for many years.  We both have a nature that has slid back and forth along the D/s axis, so we got to know each other as submissives at the Velvet Thorn femdom many years ago.  We went in and out of touch, as is the wont of people in SL, but managed to come back into contact several times.  

In late June I IMed her out of the blue after a few months of falling out of contact again.  Miss Tann (as she was to me then) was very happy to hear from me, and we spent a week or so chatting a lot.  We had felt a pull toward each otherseveral times before, but for various reasons, neither of us were in a position to do more than reflect on it.  

This time the pull was really strong, and I found my subby heart beating faster in thinking about Her.  The more we talked, the more we realized this was mutual.  

There was no defining moment of "I am Hers" or "Vanni is Mine," it was like a river picking up speed, but when one looks back, they can't see where exactly any particular speed was located.  We came to the realization that we are right for each other in the way we fit together.

The most important thing to me is that Mistress doesn't buy into some kind of social isolation to Her and Her alone.  I have a family in SL;  Rachel, Dae, Humormii, Ari and several others, and to me it is vital that any person who comes into my life fits into theirs as well.  Mistress not only wants to "fit in" with them, She is desirous to be part of the family.  She is concerned with their opinions and this means a great deal to me, more than I can probably express to Her fully.

Mistress has two male subs, Dusty and Free.  Dusty is just a wonderful guy, totally devoted to Mistress, and doesn't have a lot of those odd kind of personality quirks I see in a lot of submissive men.  I am proud to call him my "brother" in service to Mistress.  She also has Free, who I do not know as well, but seems to be a wisecracking fellow with a strong streak of sarcasm, just the kind of person I like.

Mistress and I are taking this slow, letting each day and each thing between us develop as they will.  There is no plan or sense of "W/we need to be here by this date and time."  We feel a bond and that is what is important.  She will direct what She wants, and I will do my level best to make Her happy.  

This blog will report things going on in O/our lives in SL as well as other BDSM topics I feel like writing about.  Unlike my other blog, Film@11, this will be strictly focused on BDSM and relationship therein.  Mistress wants me to write at least weekly, so every Saturday at least I will post something, and more as the desire hits me.  I have lots of thoughts on the BDSM lifestyle, and approach it from a rather academic viewpoint, thus the title of this blog, "Kinking with Thought."

Welcome aboard!

-V 8/22/20